When Your Ex Starts Being Nice Again

I don't know about you, but I'm a chip of a pessimist. I tend to not trust that people have the best intentions. This is especially true when the person has burned me or been cruel in the past.

Later a relationship ends, there is usually a lot of tension and sadness between the 2 people who were once involved in information technology. I remember that both my ex fellow and I were really sorry when nosotros bankrupt up, but there was likewise a lot of anger there, likewise. Which is why I was then suspicious when he started being and so sugariness to me. I mean, I didn't hate it, just I definitely didn't leap to assuming the best, either.

Afterwards yous've been broken upwardly with, your cocky-confidence takes a hit. I institute that every bit a event of me mourning my human relationship, missing my ex, and having zero self-esteem, I began to look for signs of my ex's feelings for me in everything. I told myself, "If he puts his manus on my shoulder as he walks past, that means he still loves me." Or: "If he cuddles up with me on the burrow, that ways that he is regretting his decision." (our breakup was painful and very messy and complicated).

I tried to brand each glance that I received from him mean something. And he most e'er did do those things, because fifty-fifty though he was breaking up with me, he all the same cared about me, loved me still, even.

It is natural when we are broken up with to try to seek out meaning in our exboyfriend'due south actions. But that tin can be very dangerous and atomic number 82 to a lot of assumptions. So if your boyfriend is being prissy and sweetness to you, it may be tempting to jump to the decision that he misses you, loves you lot, and wants to get back together (and sure, perchance that is the instance – we'll become there). Merely it could also mean a number of other things besides.

In my inquiry/polling/brainstorming, I've found that there are 3 primary categories that virtually of the reasons fall into:

1. He feels guilty
2. He wants something from yous
3. He misses you/loves you lot/wants to get back together.

Almost every reason that I came up with or that was mentioned to me in my inquiry (yes, I exercise research) fell into ane of these three categories.

Your beau being nice is a adept first step. You can easily build upon that foundation to create more out of your interactions and work to tip the scale in your favor.

I know a number of girls who take been blocked past their ex's or who have had their ex's say hateful things to them, or ask them to leave them solitary. If your ex is being dainty to you, information technology means that he is talking to you and doesn't hate yous, which is an automatic point in your cavalcade.

Dainty is good. Squeamish is a good way to brainstorm building rapport. We tin work with Nice.

Theme one: He Feels Guilty

Equally much as we want to believe the reason that our exboyfriends are nice to us subsequently a breakup is because they are having regrets, I find that this reason is the more than likely culprit. At to the lowest degree at starting time – call up, men and women grieve breakups on vastly dissimilar timelines.

If yous had a good human relationship and no large hurtful even happened to bring on the breakdown (i.e. cheating), it'south probable that your ex still likes you every bit a person, and hated hurting you. After all, no i likes to be a villain, and the person who does the dumping is almost always the bandage in the office of the villain.

Your ex may be being nice to you simply because he feels guilty that he hurt you lot and still wants y'all to perceive him every bit a good guy. My ex did a lot of this, and I retrieve telling him "it would about have been easier if you had been a jerk." (Don't worry – he did a lot of jerky things later). Information technology came from a place of him wanting me to reassure him that he was a proficient person and that I didn't detest him. – even though HE had just broken up with ME.

If could also be that your ex is seeing someone new and that is where the guilt stems from. Perhaps information technology is someone he was eyeing before the breakup, only maybe not. Regardless, if he'south seeing someone, he probably knows that it hurts you, and if he is a good guy who understands anything about emotions, he'll feel empathy for y'all, and desire to try to make you experience better.

What you accept to understand, though, is that this nice behavior is non for your do good. Your ex feels guilty, and by being nice to you, it is a small way to convalesce his guilt.

During my messy breakup, I went dorsum and forth between playing into alleviating my ex's guilt by reassuring him that I didn't hate him, and so existence a stone cold bitch and making him face up the consequences of his actions. I cared nigh my ex, then I'grand glad I could accept some of his pain abroad – fifty-fifty as he was breaking my centre – only the plan says to jump into No Contact as soon as possible.

No contact forces your ex to begin living life without y'all – and without you lot to make his guilt disappear. No Contact forces your ex to begin facing the consequences of the decision he made – if that means he starts wondering if y'all detest him or non, good. You are not his girlfriend anymore. Information technology is no longer your job to make him feel amend when he'southward down. He broke up with yous – an incredible lady – he absolutely should feel downward.

Theme 2: He Wants Something From Y'all

Cordelia: Buffy! Did you lose weight? And your hair… Alright, I respect you too much to be dishonest. The hair'southward a picayune…Well, that actually isn't the point here, is it? The Zeta Kappas have to have a sure balance at their party, and Richard explained it all to me, just I was so busy actually listening that I didn't hear much. Anyhow, the deal is they demand you to become. And if you don't get, I can't. And I'm talking about Richard Anderson, okay? Every bit in Anderson Farms, Anderson Helmsmanship and Anderson Cosmetics. Well, you see why I have to become. Buffy, these men are rich. And I am not being shallow. Recall of all the poor people I could help with all my money!

Buffy: I'll go.

Cordelia: Yous'll go? Great! I'll bulldoze. Oh, Buffy, it'southward like we're sisters! With really different pilus.

In the above substitution from flavour 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Reptile Boy), Cordelia tries to butter Buffy up past starting to be super squeamish (if you've watched the prove, you know this is very out of graphic symbol), and attempting to compliment her.

This illustrates another reason why your ex may be existence prissy to you post-breakup: Y'all have something that he wants.

Peradventure you however have some of his things and he wants them back before y'all go all crazy and destroy them. He could exist trying to stay on good terms with you long enough for him to get all of his stuff back in one piece (PSA: Practise not destroy his property. You are non doing yourself any favors if y'all lose your emotional cool).

It could be that he wants to continue you as a friend and is standing to be dainty because he wants to start a friendship off on the correct foot. It's likely he doesn't know how confusing this is for you. He may exist trying to exist a expert guy, simply he doesn't realize that every smile, every joke gives you hope that mayhap he is regretting his decision to end things.

And, of grade, I couldn't finish this theme without discussing a common thing that guys want: Maybe he's lonely and horny and is being squeamish to encounter if he can get you to sleep with him. This is unfair because information technology takes advantage of your vulnerable emotional state. Guys don't think about sexual practice the same manner girls practice, only if he broke up with you lot, he really should know better than to attempt to get sex from you lot or want to begin a friends-with-benefits situation. Merely if in that location is i thing that I have learned in my short life then far, it is that men have a lot of nerve equally shortly equally they stop thinking with their heads.

Ladies. Practice. Non. Sleep. With. Him. Don't do it. It will set y'all dorsum in the procedure, and I can almost guarantee that it doesn't mean the same thing to him as information technology does to you. Unfortunately, I discover this is a huge reason why men turn on the sweetness. Be wary.

If your ex injure you, it is more than likely they know they'll have to play the long game to get whatever it is that they desire from you, whether it be physical items, friendship, or sex. Exist aware of this. Don't trust him – he's already proved you tin can't.

Theme 3: He Misses You/Loves Yous/Wants to Go Back Together

Of course, this is what we all hope is the reason for our ex's being nice.

Nosotros ache to hear those words:

"I miss you. I love you. I made a mistake, and I want yous back."

This is definitely a possibility of why your ex may exist existence nice. Merely even if it is – don't printing. Experience it out and remain aloof. Yous can't know for sure, and then let things play out and don't make assumptions.

A practiced way that you can brainstorm to tell if maybe this is the reason he's being then nice is to examination his investment. Is he investing lots of time in you? What about money? Emotional endeavour? If he'south being nice AND he's investing a lot in y'all, and then I would say information technology is prophylactic to assume that this third reason may be at play and the motivating gene behind his sweetness.

I tested the waters for months and kept track of my ex's investment for a long time, not proverb anything, before he finally admitted to maybe beingness interested in trying again. I knew that was the reason by that point. He had steadily been showing investment on all fronts.

Investment is absolutely cardinal in getting your ex dorsum. Until you accept that, don't presume.

Protect Your Middle

Your ex may be being nice because he misses you and is testing the waters to get back together, but you absolutely tin't merely make that bound. Until you run into signs of investment as cited in a higher place, information technology is actually safer if you assume his reasons is one of the others mentioned in this article – guilt or wanting something from you.

Protect your heart. Try not to focus likewise much on his actions and why he may be acting the mode he is. Instead, focus on you, because that is what he is going to find the nigh attractive of all.

Even if y'all're non trying to gauge what his intentions are I know it's hard, simply try not to), you should definitely be taking stock of the signs that he is invested. Focus on his actions and the thing that he does, not pretty overnice words that he says.

…a difficult chore, I know…

you should definitely be taking stock of the signs that he is invested. Focus on his deportment and the affair that he does, not pretty prissy words that he says.

Your ex hurt y'all. You don't owe him trust or nice words dorsum. Non now. The ExBoyfriend Recovery process is a long journeying and is filled with a lot of twists and turns, with a bunch of anxiety to go along with information technology. Protect yourself. Protect your eye as best yous can as yous maneuver your fashion through this tricky process. Information technology takes a lot of time and emotional energy – and that emotional energy is all-time spent on yourself. I know it'southward difficult to non obsess over every little thing your ex does, only try to put your energy where information technology belongs – on yourself.

(Written by Rachel)

berryopery1987.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/why-is-my-ex-boyfriend-being-so-nice-to-me/

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